Pattaya Nightlife Newbie Guide

Written by Robaus

I've written a guide for newbies as to the protocol, tips and tricks for the various p4p venues in Pattaya.

Bangkok, Phuket, Hua Hin, Chiang Mai and Nakhon Nowhere patrons, please add your 2 satangs worth. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Please note the purpose is to help newbies to hassle free sanuk on their first visit. Much of the newbie general bar experience info equally applies to other places besides Pattaya, although prices may vary. For example any knowledge of areas I have sparsely covered such as the likes of Eden Club (Hells Cub Pattaya spin off), the Soi 7 beergarten routine in Bangkok would be very interesting to apply to the new one opening soon in Pattaya off Walking Street. Maybe someone will produce a newbie guide for the Bangkok scene etc. If you do, feel free to use any ideas in this post to help newbies.

These days I'm mainly a gogo bar patron, so I'd also appreciate more recent input re the other p4p experiences.

TRANSPORT FROM AIRPORT

There's a public airport bus that goes directly to Pattaya but most people recommend the Bell Travel Service which will take you from the airport to your hotel for only 150 baht. They don't have a website but their email address is rrc_bus@hotmail.com

For door to door taxi service try Pattaya's Mr. T. Never ever let me or my friends down over many trips. He'll take you to airport or meet you with name on board (plus carpark fee 40/50b depends on how delayed your flight is). Last trip my flight was on time and I paid 1000 baht, plus I gave him 100 baht tip.

His office is halfway down Soi Diana Inn opposite Areca Lodge
Office 038 720318
Mobile 01 2587716
Fax 66 38 720318
mr_ttaxi@hotmail.com (don't forget the underscore)

It's as well to send a confirmation email/SMS/phone call as a follow up to your reservation if you haven't used him before, just to let him know your flight is on time/schedule etc. Don't let him down. He's a good man. Sometimes his pretty niece drives - she can burn off any traffic cop who tries to flag her down for tea money!

BEER BARS

Everywhere!... main concentrations around Soi 2, North Pattaya; Sois 7/8 Central Pattaya; Sois 12, 13, Soi Post Office (13/1), Yamato (13/2), Pattayaland (Sois 13/3 and 13/4) South Pattaya; Made In Thailand complex 2nd Rd opposite Soi 10; Soi Bukhao and side roads; Buffalo Bar 3rd Rd; Naklua Road especially Soi 33; Jomtien.

You sit and order a drink first, then you can check out all the girls and ask one to come and sit with you if you like. If an ugly one picks you and you really have thoughts on someone else, don't feel obliged to entertain her, speak up and attract the attention of the other one... gesture or ask the mamasan, all done politely if possible without offending the first girl. There's no pressure to barfine, but they do like a lady drink, or at least tip them something in lieu if they spend a lot of time talking to you or playing a game.

Break the ice and interact with a girl you like by playing a game - I find Connect 4 is the least mindless (Google for download to practise beforehand). Many are bloody good at it, so watch out if you start to bet on the games. Joke and laugh at yourself when you lose, so the girls realise you have a sense of humour and are fun to be with. Don't barfine a girl until you see her full length view. I once barfined a friendly, pretty faced girl sitting on the ledge behind the bar. But when she stood up to get her handbag, I discovered too late she was a barge arse. Duh!

Ask about her village, family and gradually move on to babies to find out if there's possibly a stretch marked porridge belly beneath the sexy clothes.

Don't barfine more than one night in advance at first meeting. She may be a total starfish. Play it by ear. You can always turn ST into LT, or LT into a keeper GFE.

I always negotiate a barfine in as polite a way as I can "beforehand", so that there are no arguments later. These days I'm a butterfly and I like a good night's sleep so I usually only negotiate ST anyway. Some blokes go as far as negotiating blowjobs, shower together, number of bonks, what time she leaves tomorrow etc. etc.

Some forum members will disagree. They prefer gallantly never to mention money upfront (because they already know the going rates, it spoils the GFE, and the girl may ruin the moment by asking a silly price - which means she probably doesn't like you anyway). All I can say is that in 15 - 20 years of visiting and living in Pattaya I have "never" had any problems with the girls by fixing a price beforehand, but I've heard many stories of money disputes the morning after when prices have been left vaguely "Up to You". That's why I advise newbies to fix price before, until you know the lay of the land.

Sometimes a girl who agreed to LT will do a runner early next day depriving you of a morning bonk. She goes for a pee and emerges fully clothed with a litany of excuses to leave early. "Oh, my friend share room, only have one key" "Must go temple, must go Korat see mama, must go sick buffalo clinic blah blah!" She obviously doesn't like you. If I'm really horny, I've often cajoled them back into bed with the incentive of a tip. Otherwise, let it go, don't kick up a huge fuss leading to a big row, pay up but no tip and no repeat performance. Some Thai girls have no business sense. They just think of the now, no long term planning. So move on. There'll be a pleasant surprise with the next barfine... she'll be turning naked cartwheels and hanging from the chandeliers.

Treat the girls well, and pay them the going rate. Tip the girl well, if she has given good service. Unless the experience was absolutely lousy, I always tip at least the taxi fare home. Yes I know some are lazy, cheating, gold digging bitches who refuse to bend their backs in the rice fields in order to make an unsullied living. But some also have terrible stories of family abuse and husbands who abandoned them and their kids; they're just looking for a decent bloke. Bitches come in all shapes and forms - just ask Sir Paul McCartney! By the grace of God I was born into a very prosperous society. I wonder how I would have fared born as a female in Isaan toiling daily under a hot sun waiting for some farang knight in shining armour to ride into my remote village to rescue me. Better mountain goes to Mohammed. Up2u to sift the wheat from the chaff.

GOGO BARS

My main source of pussy these days. Mainly because you can see what you're getting. But having said that, one of my long time regulars who gives me the best sex ever!! (I wake up with a smile on my face anticipating her visits!), I met in a beer bar.

I have a 75 yr old mate who has a photographic portfolio of 495 different naked stunners that he's bonked, mainly from gogo bars. I've told him not to expect a telegram from Queen Elizabeth when he hits 500, but maybe one from Pfizer Corporation! So I'll describe his highly successful MO. Firstly - attitude; he is determined to have a good time whatever bar he walks into, and he does too! He reckons at his age, he can't afford to make mistakes and have a bad night. Let that be a lesson to us all. Life's not a rehearsal. He's constantly smiling, making eye contact and interacting with the girls, gesturing to or telling the girls how beautiful they are, gently caressing a foot or leg, not lecherously grabbing, slipping them anything from 20 - 100 baht tip if they respond to him. 9 times out of 10 they come off stage and have a drink with him. He continues the attention, massaging, palm reading, being a fun jai dee person so that the girls can tell he's not Jack the Ripper, all the while negotiating terms and giving them his card. He'll pay the barfine first time. If they're any good, he often has them around for another session for afternoon delights when the lighting for photographs is better.

I'm a great believer in the philosophy: the girl often chooses you, rather than the other way around, and if she's good in the bar, she'll be good in the bedroom. If you've tried to attract the attention of a girl, she sits with you, and the vibes feel good, then go for it. If she's a bit up herself, indifferent, poor body language, knocking back one tequila after another and demanding more, and quoting silly prices or conditions, she may well prove to be a starfish in bed. My system is not foolproof of course.

If a girl asks a ridiculous fee for ST, laugh jokingly or feign a heart attack and say "You joking, tilak. I only want ST. I no want buy gogo bar". If the girl persists with her outrageous fee, she obviously doesn't like you, and you're wasting your time. If she's such a stunner and you desperately want the pubic scalp, pay up. But be warned, she may be a starfish.

It's sometimes worthwhile getting to know the Mamasan. Buy her a drink maybe, and let her know the sort of girl you're looking for. She will introduce you to the lady you like. Sometimes she might help in translation or prices... her advice re inflated prices may be misleading (negotiate later with the girl herself), but her knowledge of the girl type may be spot on.

To get rid of unwanted attention from a girl pestering you for a drink. Smile, joke, but don't be abusive. Say "Mai mee satang" (no have money). Point to the girl on stage that you're really interested in. "Have tilak already" "One bar, one tilak". In extremis, say "Cannot. Have madame. She cut dick, give ducks, quack quack", all the while miming the actions. Makes the girls laugh and they leave you without loss of face. Mind you, all the other girls will give you a wide berth too.

If the girl is knocking back one tequila after another and pesters you for more, tell her she can have another drink when you do.

Don't think you own the girl just because you bought her a few LDs and spent some time with her. She's a working girl with freedom of choice. If she decides to bugger off to another punter while you visit the loo, so be it. She obviously doesn't really like you that much, and would probably have been a lousy lay anyway, if she's so fickle. Put it down to experience, and get over it. Buy another girl a pile of LDs if you want to make the original tilak feel sick. But don't kick up a fuss.

Don't feel pressured into buying ping pong balls at 20 baht each. It's a way of giving all the girls a chance at a tip I know. The girls don't always get the full amount anyway. I prefer to tip individuals who give good service. If you want to throw your money away and create an arses up in the air mad scramble, screw up a pile of 20 baht notes or $1 bills and throw them at the girls.

Have a good time by all means, but don't get up on stage to dance with the girls. The dancers and management don't like it, and you may be ejected or worse. It's not a novelty. It looks ridiculous. You may find yourself in trouble with other farangs too who have paid to look at women, not you.

Don't be foolish enough to ignore the many No Video, No Photo signs. I've seen mobile phones confiscated, "accidentally" dropped and trodden on by bouncers and the idiot farang thrown out.

MASSAGE PARLOURS

I haven't been to one for years. Not because they're poor value. I simply only have one dick and get wonderful sex from my regular gfs.... no hab time or energy.

"Whatever you do, don't follow a taxi guy into an MP. He'll take you to a dump and take a big commission. The best is Sabai Dee opposite Big C on Second Road. The all-in cost is 1600 baht. Many girls insist on covered BJ." (thanks wonderlust)

FREELANCERS

You have no comeback with freelancers if things turn ugly, or if items go missing from your room. So take care. Lock up your valuables beforehand or as soon as you get back to your room, and leave their ID card with hotel security.

You've got to wonder sometimes why the girls are freelancing - diseased, underage, yabaa addict, sacked from bars, reputation for stealing?? Or maybe some simply like the freedom to operate outside of a bar regime??

Freelancers can be found at:

• Bamboo Bar (50m to the left of Walking Street entrance) full of oldies (thanks wonderlust), but after all there's someone for everyone in Pattaya.
  
  
• Beach Rd. Never had any from there directly, but I've had a few that my mate recruited from there and passed on their phone numbers to me. No bad experiences so far, apart from one persistent stalker who kept calling me when business was slack. Be careful at night time... lots of katoey (ladyboy) pickpockets on beachfront.
  
  
• Walking Street at night - but watch out, some of the prettiest girls are katoeys.

Other places to find freelancers are:

• Tony's Disco
• Lucifers Disco
• Insomnia
• Marine Disco
• Marine Disco II
• Hammer
• Pattaya Beer Garden
• And virtually anywhere in Pattaya...

SOI 6

Just walk along looking at and chatting with the girls on the outside of the bars. Then when you find one you like and take her inside, she'll try to convince you to "go upstairs". No worries if you like her. Quality of rooms and facilities vary. If all you want is a little grope, at least buy her a LD or tip her 100 baht. There's no point going into a bar unless you've found a nice girl sitting on the outside to bring in. I see a lot of guys walk in alone, sit down alone and drink alone with a "What's going on?" look on their faces. Usually the ugliest girl in the bar will come and sit with them. (thanks wonderlust)

Watch out for katoeys/ladyboys... some bars employ them alongside real girls and some bars are all katoeys (e.g. Hi Boss!).

AFTERNOON DELIGHTS BARS... other than Soi 6

Jade House, half way up the hill to Jomtien on left. Free BBQ Wednesday arvo 2pm onwards. 200 baht cover charge to deter cheap Charlies. The 200 baht entrance ticket is deducted from your final drinks bill, so effectively the BBQ is free.

Just smile, make eye contact, gesture and the girl will be over to sit with you. Lots of good ST rooms on the premises for a quick BJ and legover...1000 baht all in. Popular with ex pats on Wednesdays if you like a rushed sloppy seconds job. Quieter the rest of the week if you have an eye for a more leisurely experience with a particular girl.

FLB bar (Walking St) arranges a pub crawl with transport out to some of the remoter bars beyond Sukhumvit on a Friday arvo. I've seen some pics. Looks like fun.

Welcome Inn Soi 3 (also known as the Belgian Embassy, "I'm just off to the Belgian Embassy, dear") -- lots of girls every day, some lookers some not, reasonable rooms.

TABLE TOP DANCING BARS

Beach Club, Beavers, Shark Club, Shark Gogo.

Girls circulate every song dancing on mirror topped tables. No knickers. You can look upskirts or down at the reflection in the glass. Look for girls with plenty of tips in their arm bands; they're obviously the friendliest. If you want to have an additional feel, you must tip 20 baht minimum. Some of the girls purposely stand on the up-lights in the table top to obscure your view. If you're tipping, get them to unobscure your view, and hand the girl the tip at ankle height so that she squats down to receive it, and you get the view you're paying for. If you like a girl or one of the hostesses circulating, invite her to sit down and buy her a LD. They're all barfineable.

DISCOS

This is personally not my scene - too noisy, dark, and drinks pricey. But we're all different, thank Buddha, and younger punters swear by them for meeting freelancers. The general routine is smile, and make eye contact as you wander around the room so that both parties can check each other out. Then stand just off the dance floor and the girls will come to you. If none do, look for the girls standing around in small groups, they are waiting on you to make a move! Walk up to one and ask her name, does she want to dance etc, small talk but with all the noise she can't understand anything too subtle other than how much ST.

PUSSY GYMNASTICS BARS

Pinky Girls, Hot Girls, Top Girls, Tramps

Do nothing for me at all. But worth seeing once I suppose for novelty value. Razor blades, ping pong balls, eggs, darts etc extruded from skillfully contorted vaginas. Thankfully they're banned from using live animals in their acts now. They often pass the hat around for tips afterwards. 20 baht is OK.

Don't ever follow any of the many touts (with small laminated cards describing the various acts) who take you to these bars. They charge you anything from 300 baht upwards. You can simply walk in off the street for free. These bars are often full of sucker Asian/Russian tour groups who have paid through the nose for someone to hold their hand into these bars. If you want to see one, try Hot Girls or Pinky Girls. Gotta give em a plug. 2 of my favourite girls work there.

YOUR WILDEST FANTASY CLUBS

Hell Club Soi LK Metro. A friend tells me (jing jing) that the girls line up either side of a line. Those on one side will do anal sex. Those on the other side won't. The one you pick in turn chooses a friend she knows who will help her in your anything goes orgy. As they say on their website "3600 baht and you get 90 minutes of pampering and you're the star and director of everything that happens". My mate says some of the tilaks are not exactly love's young dream, but up2u if you don't want to die wondering.

The Castle, 3rd Rd near Buffalo Bar. From what I've heard: Black is compulsory; they will loan you a black shirt if you're not already wearing one, drinks are expensive (900 baht entrance includes first drink), anything goes, and you'll probably meet half of the world's cabinet members in there, as well as your old headmaster!

Both have websites.

RIP OFF BARS

Galaxy Cabaret. If you want to see fat Uzbeks with blonde wigs, this is the place for you. Super expensive drinks and hassles if you don't tip 100 baht.

Polo Cabaret, still overpriced but not as bad as Galaxy. Thankfully in Pattaya there aren't any of those bars that used to/still exist? upstairs in Patpong, Bangkok where they hit you with an extortionate bill and place a couple of heavies by the door to prevent you leaving.

CHECKBIN (paying your bill)

Before you go out at night, put your 1000 and 500 baht notes in separate compartments in your wallet. It's very easy to confuse the notes in a dimly lit gogo bar.

When out with a group of friends, ask for separate bills "Yaek bin". It's much simpler than trying to work out who owes what, and also cuts down the risk of bill padding.

Check the bills as they go into your bill holder. Even if you're drunk, pretend to be adding them up. A mistake spotted early prevents arguments later.

If you're paying with a large note, draw the attention of the waitress to this. Joke "One million baht".

I tip 20 baht when I checkbin whatever the amount. If your bill is huge, maybe tip more. But I've never had any problems with a 20 baht waitress tip. The tip you leave on the tray is for the communal tips box. If you want to give an additional personal tip to a girl, place the note in her hand.

Watch out for the loose coins at the bottom of the tray hidden by a final 20 baht note trick. Many punters just notice the note and say keep the change.

I tip the girl 100 baht if I've had a good diddle/grope in a Soi 6 or gogo bar. If the girl has shown disinterest after a LD or two, frequently going to the toilet or disappearing, then no tip. It's amazing how she'll suddenly reappear as you checkbin.

KATOEYS (LADYBOYS)

Telltale signs: tall, more effeminate than real women, exaggerated hip swings, constant hair flicking and grooming, checking makeup, neck scarf to hide Adam's apple, large hands and feet, deep or phony high pitched voice, sometimes reluctance to converse to hide voice, or speak in whispers with hand over mouth.

Personally, not my cup of tea, but hey, whatever gets you through the night in Pattaya. We're all born different, thank Buddha.

GFE (Girl Friend Experience)

Many vulnerable newbies leave their brains behind at the airport when for the first time in their lives they find themselves being treated like a king by a gorgeous girl half their age. Please don't get engaged the first week you are here!

Do a thorough archives search of this forum, especially the Relationships section, and read some of the horror and amusing stories in the many lovelorn guidebooks such as "Money Number One", "A Fool in Paradise"... you'll find a whole section in the Bookazine stores. Might prove a good investment to buy and read the lot! I also recommend "Private Dancer" by Stephen Leather -- a must read for any newbie!

There are some success stories, but I'd say disasters outweigh successes by about 2:1. Why buy a book when you belong to a library? This from a butterfly who came "that close" to marrying a very sweet BG after a 2.5 yr relationship... still very fond of her; she's now married in farangland with a baby. I sadly will one day die without the love of a good woman, so ... Up2u!

Don't get involved with the girls unless you have thought things through to their possible consequences: financial and emotional commitment, marriage, children etc. Don't lead them up the garden path, unless you make them aware that you have no intention of a long term relationship (tell her: been there, seen it, divorced it, hab broken heart). The longer she stays in your room, the harder it is to get her out of your life. You've become her employer and bank; she won't take kindly to redundancy without reasonable severance pay. Don't be selfish. Give her a chance of happiness with another punter who IS looking for a relationship.

For baht taxi routine and other warnings see Safety Tips

I haven't mentioned any particular gogo or beerbars, because the scene changes so frequently. Do an archives search, and check www.pattayagogos.com for regularly updated prices.

Thanks for your input eyebee, elef, and wonderlust.

Good luck, mates. Let us know your experiences.