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"Letters from Issaan- how it began" Part 3-final


phoenix

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Part 3

 

 

 

"sounds like you hit the Jackpot" (someone on Sanuk board)

 

It certainly felt that way at the time.

 

I have now been back home for five days, my jetlag is fading, and I am starting to reflect a bit on my experience. It was certainly a very powerful one in more than one respect. I am writing the last chapter of my trip report, which will fill in a few gaps that I remembered later, and look at the whole experience from a bit more objective view (as if I can). I'll put it on the board when finished in a few days.

 

The day before I left BKK, I went with "Nok" to Asia Books on Sukhumvit. I bought her another dictionary, and myself a few more Chris Moore novels, and a book called "Patpong Sisters", 'an american womans view of the BKK sexworld' by Cleo Odzer. (Blue Moon Books -N.Y. -Arcade Publishing, 1994. I just finished reading it this morning.

 

To any of those on this board who don't only regard the women in Thailand as low cost f...ing and s...ing machines, but regard them as people, it would make a very interesting read. I would even have enjoyed it more if I had read it prior to my visit to LOS, although maybe it would have slightly altered my experience.

 

There is nothing new to my experience, as many other newbie stories on this site will tell you, but each one is a unique personal one for the participants.

 

The book, coupled with my own experiences, and my learnings from this board, gave me quite a new insight on life in Thailand, and especially the Sanuk scene in BKK. It also confirmed my growing respect for the women who work there.

 

Reading back over my previous instalment, I realise I forgot quit a few details that in retrospect were important to me. I?ll try and fill in the gaps, and reflect a bit on the whole experience, what I would do different if I?d had understood more, what I may do if I ever come back.

 

 

 

In XXXX, I had envisaged spending a lot of time on the beach or at the hotel poolside, getting a tan, swimming, and strolling in the sun (XXXX had often a breeze but was not really all that hot.)

 

After our first day on the beach, Nok spent quite some time in front of the mirror, looking at herself with a rather concerned look in her eyes. She pointed at the shape of her bathingsuit on her skin, the marks made by the sun around it. I realised that she might be concerned about uneven tan showing up when she got back to work at Voodoo, and joked that maybe we should find a beach where she didn?t have to wear anything at all. But that was even worse, and she started talking about not wanting to be ?brown?, because it was a sign of lower class.

 

I knew all that, but had forgotten, and had never really had to confront the issue. I explained that in my culture, getting ?bronzed? by the sun was seen as a sign of health and wealth, being able to afford a holiday in a hot place. She explained that in her country, it emphasised ?Issaan?, poverty, lowerclass and working long days in a rice paddy. She also examined the skin on her cheekbones, just below her eyes, where the sun had accentuated her freckles, and created a darker brown ridge as a result. She was quite unhappy about that.

 

I dug out my heavy duty suntan cream (SPF 38 or so), and gave it to her. We went to the shopping strip, and got her a cap with a long visor, a pair of sunglasses, and me a straw hat. My hair is thinning, and I?m aware I risk burning my scalp. I also decided that I could maybe prevent myself from melanomas by not being out in the sun too much. I got her to pick me a t-shirt for snorkling, to protect my shoulders.

 

Where I come from, looking down on darker people is racism, and generally not acceptable. Here, IMHO, it still is racism, I don?t accept it, but must accept that it is the prevailing attitude.

 

 

 

The other thing we bought, on day 2 or 3, was a better dictionary. I had a tiny travellers one, but totally useless for ordinary words. Even though XXXX was small, they sold Mike Simpson?s ?The English Thai Dictionary?, which proved quit good. It has three sections, one alphabetical in English, one alphabetical in Thai script, and one alphabetical in the western phonetic description of the pronunciation of Thai words, which meant that I could try and look for a word she said, and find the meaning, or more so, could find the pronunciation of a Thai word she pointed out in the Dictionary. This greatly increased our communication, and we spent many hours, sitting at café?s or lying on beach or bed, working through it while talking. It taught me a bit more Thai, her a bit more English, but it certainly improved our understanding of each other, and added to our contact.

 

If anyone knows Mike Simpson, please tell him it needs one addition if possible, a fourth section or column, in which the pronunciation of English words is phonetically described in Thai, so Nok, and her colleagues can improve their ability to pronounce English words. Don?t know if that is possible.

 

 

 

Initially, Nok would randomly scroll through the pages, until she came to a word she wanted to use, and point at it. Over time, she started to use it more systematically. The random method was sometimes a bit disconcerting, because of the words that would come up.

 

?Toy? she found, then pointed at the word, and said ?Me toy for you?.

 

Ouch!, that stepped on my middleclass ?liberal? toes. She appeared to be saying that she was simply a sex object for me. Was she?

 

I tried to say ?I?d like to think I see you as a person? (I?m brought up in good PC style). I also by that time had gotten beyond seeing sex with her as the main purpose of being with her, but was genuinely enjoying her company.

 

She thought about it, and said : ?for most falang men, Thai Gogo girls are toys?.

 

 

 

She then found the word ?Sophenee?, which translated as ?prostitute, whore?. She pointed at herself and said ?Me Sophenee?, then asked me how to say the English words. I cringed. My liberal PC toes now were being trampled by an elephant.

 

I said: ?in my country, the words ?prostitute, whore? are very negative words, saying the woman is bad. I prefer the word ?sex worker?. You are a good woman who happens to have a job as a sex worker, not a bad woman who is a whore.?

 

 

 

I am not certain if that subtlety got across to her. Words never translate totally. It took me a bit of reading (Cleo Odzers ?Patpong Sisters?) to understand that the word ?sophenee? doesn?t traditionally have the negative western connotation of the word ?whore?.

 

 

 

Or am I trying to con myself, simply because the truth makes me feel uncomfortable?

 

 

 

Most of that week Nok didn?t behave like a whore. Sometimes, the quick role switches I described in an earlier report (from wild sex kitten to serious adult to 8 year old girl etc) came in at what I saw as inappropriate times. She did hold my hand, or arms around each other almost always in public, (her initiative) which I understand is not traditionally accepted in Thailand between male and female in public. But when in a BKK large shopping centre, I saw quite a lot of young Thai couples walk hand in hand, without anyone frowning. But sometimes, she?d really embrace me in the middle of the street, or playfully pinch my nipple in public, or even squeeze my crotch. At times in situations where I would have found that embarrassing in a western situation, let alone in Thailand.

 

 

 

But I haven?t yet worked out why did such things. Was it to endear herself to me (it didn?t), was it to tease me, was it because she didn?t know what behaviour was appropriate where, or was it because she was playful, didn?t know anyone down south anyway, and just let it all hang out, devil may care?

 

I would then playfully slap her hand, say ?Be polite in public? and she?d giggle and smile at me. I think it was teasing.

 

I know those who believe ?you can take a bargirl out of a bar, but not the bar out of the girl?, but I?m not sure that was it. Her obvious disapproval of women playing pool, suggested to me she had a clear idea of what was proper and what was not.

 

 

 

The last day or two before I left, she also got quieter, more thoughtful, and looked at me quit often.

 

 

 

I grew very fond of her. I don?t think I fell in love with her, but now, two weeks on, I sometimes badly miss her, and long to be with her again.

 

I will not be, probably never, maybe once or so in 2 or 3 years time, my personal life at present simply doesn?t allow it.

 

 

 

I left off last report (2) on falling in bed after a drunken argument and tears on our last night. The night was fun, the drunkenness a release of tension, escape from sadness. I felt sheepish and hungover the next morning, but then so did she. We concluded we?d both been silly drinking too much tequila, and no hard feelings.

 

We went down, and picked up the films I dropped of the day before for processing. I selected the best shots of her, and had them blown up to 8x10, for her, and for her to send to mama and her son in Taiwan. I didn?t take any prints of her for myself, can?t afford to, but was going to take the negatives, to scan into my computer. (more discreet)

 

 

 

We took a cab to her apartment to drop off her bags (an extra one added in XXXX), to carry a ton of shells, the dictionary I gave her [she?d scribbled all over it, I had to buy myself another one], and the only ?present? she?d asked me for, on our last day in XXXX, a brightly coloured woven hammock ?to take back home to my village?.

 

I told her the day before that I?d like to give her something as a souvenir, apart from money to compensate her for her time. I had been amazed that all that week she never ever asked anything from me.

 

 

 

Being back in her room, both of us felt a bit tense. She phoned her mother at home, and talked to her ?baby sister?, I think about 7 or 8 (Later fond it was her nephew, aged 5) . She then passed the phone to me and said ?do you want to say hello to my little ?sister?? I did, mostly in English, don?t know if she understood a word.

 

 

 

Nok had previously told me her mother didn?t know where she worked. I am less certain of that now. It is quite likely however that she never told her mother what work she did, but that it was simply a forgone conclusion, due to the amount of money she could send back home to help the family.

 

 

 

I gave her what I considered an appropriate amount of cash, to ?compensate her for her time with me?. It is probably an amount that would make some of the hardliners on this board annoyed, for me ?spoiling the market?. Well, tough. I happen to be in the fortunate situation of being able to afford it, and it made me feel better.

 

 

 

I even took her bank details. I am not certain if I will use them, but I may well do so. I would not do so as a ?retainer?, I?ll probably not be back here alone, either ever, or for at least two or three years. I have no expectations of any returns. She may use it wisely or not. I think she is a sensible woman, and will put it to good use. She goes to English lessons once every two weeks, I suggested she may take some time off work, and go more often. She might give it to a boyfriend or father to gamble away or spend on women and Mekhong, but somehow I don?t think so. There was certainly no sign of anything like a boyfriend when I came to her apartment, and I did have a bit of a look around. She told me that in the beginning she had a boyfriend, but he wanted money to go and drink, and didn?t work, so she got rid of him.

 

During my travels with her, I sometimes put things in the room safe or the hotel safe, but frequently left substantial sums of money around, nothing ever disappeared. I feel now I could trust her fully with any material possessions, I basically think she is honest.

 

 

 

She may not always have told me the whole truth, or just her Thai version of the truth, but nothing in our 8 nights and 7 days together indicated she?d ever told me a blatant lie either. I simply think she is a good woman who has chosen this work because it is the best way to make some money. I certainly developed a great deal of respect for her.

 

 

 

I talked a bit about her English lessons, which I encouraged. I also asked her what she wanted to do when the time came that she would stop doing this. She said ?In four years, when I have enough money to buy parents a car, I stop?.

 

I asked, what then. First she said, go back home, open a restaurant, I like cooking and know about food.

 

I don?t know what the market in Nakhom Phanom is for a new restaurant, it is not particularly rich, neither a tourist town.

 

Later she said, maybe I stay BKK, and do other work. But she didn?t know what yet.

 

 

 

This morning, in the last part of ?Patpong Sisters? I read Cleo Odzers writing on what she calls ?falangs with an Eliza Doolittle trip?, wanting to turn ?poor uneducated streetgirls into decent educated women?, for their own sake.

 

Maybe I could fall into that trap, but I don?t think I will. Time will tell.

 

 

 

After a bit more shopping we went back to the GP, to get my luggage and go to the airport. She wanted to come along. Last moment in the suite, we hastily concluded once more what the tequila had prevented from happening the night before, with some desperation. But, what a way to go. At the airport, we had time to spare, so we went and had a meal, in the formal restaurant, food as always selected by Nok, but probably the worst meal in terms of quality of the whole trip (and the most expensive). I then remembered I left the negatives at her apartment, and gave her my safe postal address, with the name of a friend of mine, to send them to. I also gave her my safe email address. She?d given me hers earlier. Then walked around, until it was time to go. I only barely contained myself, she looked sad, but more in control.

 

Then I kissed her, and disappeared through immigration. From there straight to the Business class lounge for a large straight shot of Black Label.

 

 

 

It turned out to be a different holiday from what I had planned for.

 

I am not certain how I am going to deal with the aftermath for myself, but I think I?ll be able to contain it.

 

 

 

To anyone who wants to understand more, Odzers? book Patpong Sisters is worth reading. She may come from an angle originally that may make many on this site uncomfortable, but in the end her analysis is pretty OK, and her insights and experiences useful. I?ll certainly read more on the matter.

 

 

 

To anyone on the way to LOS for the first time, ?Enjoy, life is short?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two weeks back, a few last comments.

 

 

 

Yes, I?ve got the occasional bout of the blues. Knowing I cannot get back, certainly not for the next 2-3 years, makes it worse. Getting little emails from my GF, telling me she misses me, but realises I may not be back also makes it worse. I think that for my own sanity, I?m going to have to put a stop to that, and maybe cut down on the time I spend on the Board.

 

Maybe I need to put the whole stack of wonderful memories ?on the shelf? for a while, and not look at them, think about them. Later, when suitably faded, they?ll be easier to handle.

 

Yes, I concluded that you cannot have such a powerful experience without anything changing for you. But still, no regrets.

 

 

 

 

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Thanks guys.

 

I just reposted the 7 posts called "letters from issaan', which describe my time with Nok, about a year and a half after meeting her, while living with her in BKK.

 

I'll try and repost the six posts describing the end of the relation some time soon.

Yes, It ended, of course. i learned a lot, had some exciting experiences, pleasure, and some pain.

 

Hope some others may learn from it, although I doubt it. In the end, we all have to learn our own lessons.

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